You Are Wiser Than You Think: A Whole New Approach To Giving Guidance
I have a marvelous etching of a beautiful woman, wrapped in threads of energy. Her head is bowed as she stands at the base of a wonderful old tree and it seems as if she is asking the tree to share its wisdom or perhaps, its forgiveness. The inscription underneath reads,
"We know so little and care so much."
This book came about as a result of something said to me by a very dear friend that emanates that inscription. My friend had such a strong desire to help others and one day she said to me;
"I wish I could do what you do. You just know all the right things to say. You have no idea how much your guidance helps people. I would love to be able to do that; to be able to say the right thing just when someone needs it."
I had never thought of what I do in that way. I consider myself to be in service, and giving guidance is one of the ways in which I serve. But those words stayed with me. Not so much because of the words themselves, but because of the sincerity with which they were said. My friend is a wonderful being, full of love and compassion. I wished I could somehow let her know how many lives she touched just by being her. But, in this case, there were no words I could find that could drown out the voice of her self- doubt.
Miles separate us now, and we don't talk much anymore, but her words stayed with me. I knew they were a key and if I could put them together with the right door, perhaps I would find the answer.
I am happy to say, I believe this book to be the door, and the information within, at least, part of the answer.
This book is for the aspiring reader or the experienced seer. Parents, managers, trainers and counselors of any field will also find it beneficial. And never forgetting, it is for my friend, and all friends who long to be "more than a friend."
YOU ARE WISER THAN YOU THINK
A Whole New Approach to Giving Guidance
YOU ALREADY HAVE WHAT YOU NEED
In order for your guidance to be strong and clear it must be imbedded in a sound foundation. This foundation must be of a practical fabric that is easy to build upon and one that won't deteriorate over time. The foundation for giving guidance, as taught in this book, is primarily made up of two things: your life experiences to date and your ability to communicate those experiences while giving guidance. Once you have harnessed these two things you will then have a foundation that will not only help you rebuild your own life, but also, the lives of others.
How do I get there?
Many of the lessons in this book will help you move towards feeling confident in who you are by helping you understand more about yourself. The more you get to know yourself, and allow yourself to go through the up and downs of learning, the easier it will be for you to trust yourself and what you bring through for others as guidance.
Giving guidance is a learned art. Whether it is learned from life or from years of spiritual training, it is still learned. To some lucky people it is a gift and they are able to share their life experience and give guidance easily and gracefully. But for most of us, giving guidance and doing it well involves time and effort. Giving guidance requires courage to explore the risks and face challenges involved in being who we are. Also, we must trust in ourselves that "who we are" is all we need to be in order to give guidance and touch the lives of others.
YOU ARE ALWAYS COMMUNICATING
In every moment that you are alive you are communicating on some level, otherwise you could not exist. Communication is an energy exchange that occurs as you interact with life. Often, it is the communication that occurs unconsciously between people that shape our lives and relationships without our even knowing it. Communication is in every essence of our being. Communication lies within our words, our actions, our thoughts, life examples and also, in the absence of any of these things.
What's that you say?
We all know that, to some degree, the problems we face from day to day are due to a lack of communication. Many of us have a mythical belief that if we knew the right words at the right time our problems would be solved. If it were only that simple.
Modern version of communication
For many of us, if we were asked for the definition of "communication" or "to communicate," we might say:
"Communication: the ability to express yourself and your views in order to influence others and get what you want."
Though the dictionary meaning is:
Communicate - to convey knowledge or information about: to reveal by clear signs: to transmit information, of thought or feeling, so that it is satisfactorily received.
From the Merriam-Webster dictionary
Communicate - to express oneself in such a way that one is readily and clearly understood: to reveal clearly, to manifest.
From Your Dictionary.com
We are going to learn a new way to communicate with people, our pets, our world and ourselves. Let's start by redefining the value system for communication.
WORDS TO THE WISE: TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU CAN COMMUNICATE IS TO THE EXTENT THAT YOU CARE TO.
Simply put. The more you care about someone or something, the harder you try to help them understand.
- Good communication is not about you it is about "us."
- To communicate well, the other person's needs must be equal to our own.
- For our communication to be heard we must speak in terms that the other can identify with.
- Sound communication allows the other person to move at a pace that is comfortable for them and acceptable for us.
- Effective communication will give them enough information to make a decision that is in their best interest as well as ours.
- Sincere communication comes from our heart and not our head.
- For us to communicate our needs we must first understand our needs and take responsibility for them.
- Courageous communication is when we are willing to point out our own shortcomings as quickly as we would, theirs.
- Communication makes a difference when it shares the truth of a situation, as we know it at that time, whether it is in our favor or not.
- You cannot lie and communicate at the same time.
- You are not communicating if you are withholding facts, using niceties or changing the information in a way so that you "win."
- Communication is not occurring if the only voice you can hear is your own.
- Your communication has failed if the other party comes away with nothing.
- Communication cannot begin if you have no interest in learning about the other party and their needs.
WORDS TO THE WISE: YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF COMMUNICATING IF YOUR SOLE MOTIVATION FOR COMMUNICATING IS TO WIN. YOUR INTENTION IN THAT CASE IS TO DOMINATE.
Manipulation versus communication
Throughout this book we will discuss in more detail how energy works and about the exchange that occurs when we are communicating, both positive and negative. It also covers how easy it is for energy to be manipulated. When we communicate, any form of withholding in order to win, or "stroking" to make the person feel guilty or obligated is not communication it is manipulation. Manipulation can be the "great un-doer" of communication.
TIME FOR THE TOOLS
Have you ever thrown a tizzy and been so emotionally out of control that you couldn't stand your self but were unable stop? And then there is the other degree, where you are so happy about something that you lose it and make a fool out of yourself? Have you been accused of being immature and unrealistic?
Say "hi" to your smaller self.
How about when you over analyze everything to the ninth degree, so much so you don't even know what's important anymore. Or have you ever been accused of not being sensitive to someone's situation, or told, "get out of your head." How about the phrase, "you're like a machine."
Shake hands with your middle self.
Perhaps, you don't feel of this earth and have trouble understanding why people do the things they do? Not motivated by money and material things? People think you are weird and out there because you talk to trees and don't get emotional about anything?
Make peace with your higher self
These three selves are your tools, they are your teammates and they hold the answer to every question you could ever ask and they are waiting to meet you.
Getting everyone on board
In life, no matter what you do, if your three selves aren't in agreement, the change you seek won't take effect in your life. Your small self has to be emotionally stimulated and it has to be "fun.' Your intellectual self has to understand it and be able to rationalize why it's worth the time and money, and your spiritual self needs to know that it moves you closer to your life purpose. Life purpose in this instance refers to what makes you feel content, both in your life, and with what you currently are doing with your life. If one of these selves isn't in agreement, after a short period of time, it will fall by the wayside. How many of us have been to a workshop or a motivational speaker and came out pumped up and ready to change the world, or at least our selves? For the next few days you are a new person and then, it's gone and it's back to life as normal. This is what happens when an experience doesn't appeal to all aspects. The same thing in life, if you are blocked on something or not able to get excited about it, even though you know it is something you should be doing or at least check out. That is showing you that one of the three selves isn't on board with the idea. Everything you do in life needs to have something for each aspect of who we are for it to become part of our daily life, for it to become a necessity. It needs to stimulate us emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
Speaking as an equal
In order for your communication to be heard, it is important that you speak in a way that the other person can understand and relate to. With regards to working with the three selves, this is also true.
If the person you are trying to help is emotional and speaking from the smaller self, you also must speak from your smaller self. Not meaning that you should be over emotional, but definitely let your smaller self lead, so when you communicate, the person will feel like they are speaking to someone who understands them.
The same goes for someone who is strictly coming from an intellectual point of view. You must also communicate what you need for them to understand from the view point of the intellect.
If someone is very spiritual then you need to come from your higher self. For any reason, if you are not able to communicate effectively from one of the areas, it is always better to get someone who is strong in that area to do the communicating for you. No matter how you try, an emotional person will not respond to intellect, and vise versa just as a spiritual person cannot always relate to strictly an intellectual or emotional point of view if they cannot find the "higher purpose" in the conversation.
One of the main goals of this book is to help you become balanced enough in your three selves to be able to move back and forth between them, depending on what is needed at any time while giving guidance, but do know, there will always be some extreme cases when someone else will be better to speak with the person instead of yourself.
Onto Part II...